J Series: The End

The Ending I'd Rather Not Write

This the part of the story where our past gets the best of us. This is the part where the thought of whatever we had joins the forgotten abyss. I can hear life playing a piano riff in the background as we grow farther and farther apart. Years pass by before we run into each other again and I'll vaguely remember you. Your eyes will remind me of something that I once felt but I won't remember why. The emotion I will feel will be feint, yet terrifying to me. The both of us would have moved on to the lives that we always desired. You'll ascend into your beliefs whereas I will change the world as we know it. We are what we are for a reason. And think that you can agree that we become what we become for a reason. In this ending our fears of each other truly get the best of us. The happily ever after that is told to us in our youth becomes just a fairy tale. And I say that not necessarily because we will never be happier with other people, but I cannot say with confidence that we will be at our happiest. In this ending, in this ultimate conclusion, the "what we could have been", is a question forever embedded in eternity. Unfortunately, we'll never know. The thoughts, energies, and intellect that we could have acquired from each other becomes lost endeavors and story lines that I'll create in the near future. I don't know if we are meant to be together. But I do know that we will run into each other again. So far I have always been right. For our sake, I hope this ending is wrong. 

The Ending I'd Rather Write

I believe that Love is Love and I believe that destiny is destiny. I do not believe that things do not happen for a reason. We felt what we felt for a reason greater than us. I don't know if we are meant to be together. Initially, I did feel that way but other people have entered my life. They made me feel.....appreciated. They made me feel like I can trust them, which is a lot coming from me. They haven't made me feel like you did, but I did feel something. This is the ending where I have some sort of relationship with you. In this ending I see you clearly. We are smiling and laughing about something. I can imagine you giving me that intriguing stare of yours and something inside me smiles. And I can't lie, in this ending you matter to me. Your concerns and issues are mine. Your happiness is one of my top priorities. In this version of the story we do share a deep connection, that is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I am your protector at my core. I see us emitting an energy into the world that is unseen. People smile just from being near us. People are motivated to do more just by talking to us. Whatever we become together in this ending, it is something beyond the normal plane of existence. Life itself just seems happier. Well let me be more accurate, in both endings life seems happy but in this outcome life seems to be at its' happiest. Almost as if it reaches its fullest potential. Not to let my dreamy imagination take over, but I see us all over the world. In each place we touch we touch the lives of others, while taking in everything that is them. What if you could understand life itself? In my vision of this ending we ascend far pass what we could ever imagine. This ending feels more accurate than the prior. It feels more true. If there is anything you know or knew about me it was that I never deny myself what I feel. I channel my emotions. In this image of us smiling together, something feels right. To be honest I'm happier just thinking about it. 

This letter J provided by: JulienKraakman

J Series: Conclusion

It wasn't hard to write the J Series at all. Every post came from a sincere place and emotion. For instance, many people loved my April Hughes story, yet I spent more time finding the correct image to match the story than actually writing it. There was nothing for me to make up. I literally just wrote down my experience. Rome played on my imaginative elements of myself and J, and how amazing I thought we would be together.  The Black Dress post actually started out as a dream. I wrote the dream down, and promised to come back to it for minor touch ups, but I spent so much time writing 10,000 I Love You's that I forgot the dream. But I remembered the emotion of what I felt for this woman. In that emotion I was able to create Black Dress. I imagined J in a black dress and painted the story from there. Invincible was the only piece that I had an actual hard time writing because of the topic being discussed. I poured my heart out into this until there was nothing left.

 What surprised me the most from this collection of work was the reaction that I got. The positive feedback has been overwhelming. People told me that they loved my work. I was advised to make some pieces into plays. I was told that people wanted to buy hard copies. Most importantly, I was told again and again and again, that it inspired people to write. J was such a significant woman to me because she responded to a much older piece of mine in a poetic form. She told me that I inspired her to write and not only did she do a great job, but what she wrote made me want to write to her and only her forever. The surge of words that I normally felt in my head ran 10 times faster than usual and everything that I touched or saw became ordained in positive feelings. That doesn't just happen. In a sense the J Series was my attempt to have that back into my life. And if for whatever grand scheme she is not meant to be back in my life then at least I can say that other people were affected. People who didn't enjoy reading, would tell me how they loved reading my pieces. Women who had been abused told me how much April Hughes meant to them. The artists in manifesto were able to connect to myself and readers going through similar emotions. Many women reacted to Him Understanding Her, in such a strong sense that I was asked to speak with boyfriends lol. I would have to say that my most heart felt accomplishment was from the Ventriloquist Series in the Poem dedicated to R. I won't even tell you what was said I'll let you read it for yourself at the bottom. The energy placed into this series was flipped 10 fold and I love it. This Series opened opportunities for me and most of all other people. That is what makes it so special. That is how you know this work was genuine. I'm happy to say that I followed through with it.

If J does ever come back into my life maybe I'll resurrect the J Series as a mini series alongside the King Series. But so much has been happening that I can truly see that God has a plan for me. I've been meeting people that write for this company and screen right here and there, while getting requests to write here and there. I was told to never stop writing, so I haven't stopped. And God keeps giving me different and newer venues to write in. Literally, if it's not one thing it's another. I'm writing several times, everyday. I feel like my life is changing. I already know that by the end of this year my life will be in a different place. All I am doing is following what God is telling me and experiencing his glory. Sorry to get too preachy, this all just feels so amazing. It's like one moment I'm looking down at a key board and typing and then the next, I'm looking up at all these people applauding. People have taken time out of their busy days to send me page long messages of how talented of a writer I am. That is surreal to me. In closing, I want to thank everyone for reading, enjoying, and connecting to the J Series. I'll never stop writing. The King Series is up next. 

This is an email that I got from @soul_cypher pertaining to the Ventriloquist posts that we teamed up on.  This make everything worth it.